


I Do, I Don't, I Die

by prisma134



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha!Bucky, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barren Steve, Broken Heart, Broken vow, Depressed Steve, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Engaged, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt, Hurt Steve Rogers, Love, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Medicated Steve, Misunderstandings, Name Calling, Omega!Steve, Past Relationship(s), Recovery, Romance, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Top!Bucky, True Love, bottom!Steve, natasha and Bucky are bffs, proposal, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:41:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prisma134/pseuds/prisma134
Summary: Steve Rogers was not bonded to Bucky Barnes. He was not in a relationship with Bucky Barnes anymore. Bucky had no obligations towards him except a pewter ring that was so faded and rusted that hung on his dog tags. Bucky had no promises to break, because he didn't remember them. Steve was okay with that, he really was. He would have to be, because Bucky wasn't his anymore to have. Instead, Bucky was Natasha's to cherish and Steve was not going to stand in his way.Steve was going to let Bucky go, even if it killed him and even if his heart was shattering into a million pieces to see his best friend--his soul mate--be in a relationship with someone else.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Lo hago, no lo hago, me muero](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15195146) by [Midnight_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Phoenix/pseuds/Midnight_Phoenix)



Steve let Bucky forget. He let him forget about them and who they were and what they were. He let Bucky forget all of it. Who was he to stand in the way of Bucky's happiness? Steve Rogers only ever wanted his best guy to be happy, and now...now he was. So, Steve put his happiness second and let Bucky's happiness fly free. It had been enough for him that Bucky had come back to him and that Stark let him stay and the two of them were on mostly good terms. It was just enough for him to be by Bucky's side, even if it meant he couldn't have him anymore. 

Bucky had woken up and recovered, his memory still shot to shit however, and bounced back into the new Bucky Barnes. He was still the same sometimes, just a little more quiet and broody with a touch of cynicism, but Steve couldn't care less. He was a little heart broken at first to realize that his fiance was not the same as he had been when they were together, but he got over it. Bucky was Bucky, and that was that. He loved Bucky and he always would. This however, did not mean that his feelings were reciprocated.

Bucky had of course forgotten about everything between the two of them that was besides friendship. It wasn't his fault, and Steve didn't blame him. Sometimes Bucky would forget where he was or who he was and freak out, and some days he was so teaming with life that he couldn't sit still. His memories with Steve were few and far between, and Steve ached to have Bucky remember a _shred_ of anything that was theirs. But, that wasn't how things were going. 

Bucky had moved on from the past and was living in the present. That much was clear. That much, was very clear to Steve. Any prior relationship that they had had was gone. Zip. Zilch. Out of the window. Say goodbye now. The only reason for this was because of Natasha.

Now, Steve didn't resent her and he didn't hate her. He was envious of her and heartbroken when she would walk into the room. The reason? _She had Bucky, and Steve didn't_. 

Yes, this--this was the startling truth. It had happened sometime while Steve was away on a mission with Sam, and when he came back the two were snuggled up like two peas in a pod. From there, they were attached at the hip everywhere they went and were almost always touching. At first, Steve thought that maybe it was a good thing because Bucky finally was making some friends. But that optimism slowly diminished when he saw the lingering touches and too long looks or less casual stances and placements of hands. It became apparent when he heard Natasha and Bucky talking late at night half in Russian and English and he caught a few words along the lines of ' _my love_ ' and  _only you understand me Natalia_ '. 

So, Steve was a good boy and he let go. He let go of Bucky and let him flourish in his new found love and happiness with Natasha and he buried his heart deep in his chest. He took off his engagement ring Bucky had given him and looped it around the dog tags he wore around his neck, and when he was asked about it he lied and said it was his mother's. Everyone believed him, and no one was the wiser. He had started taking scent and heat suppressants after that. The heats were low and an uncomfortable itch under his skin that went away after a few hours, and his scent was washed away clean. It was neutral and blended into most of his surroundings and he was able to keep his emotions from seeping into the rooms he was in all at once. 

He had started taking them because when he finally realized he was never going to get Bucky back, he seemed to smell depressed and uninviting. Bucky had commented on it for a while and then one day, it stopped. He came into the room smelling normal and faintly of his own scent and Bucky had just frowned and said he smelled differently. Steve gave him a small smile and just said that he sorted through his problems so that was why he smelled different. It wasn't like Bucky remembered his scent anyway and if he did, he didn't say anything. 

There were only three people on the team who knew that he was taking the pills, but only two of them knew why. Sam was the first to find out because he had pushed Steve for an answer when Steve was sitting in his bed unmoving and staring blankly at the wall with disinterest. After that, Sam made it his personal mission to perk up the Star Spangled Man with A Plan and see to it that his heart would heal and blossom again. Tony, was the other. He had found out by complete accident however, when Steve was tranquilized with drugs to make it easier for him to heal from his broken bones and scrapes. He had jokingly said to Steve that the only reason Barnes must still be around was because Steve was 'tapping that ass', and Steve answered with a dopey smile and a harsh laugh accompanied with a sad 'Not anymore, he don't need me anymore. Got somethin' better than me now 'an he's happy'. That had shut Tony up, and all joking was put aside and the billionaire comforted Steve even after the drugs wore off and the two of them fell into a comfortable rhythm that they hadn't had in a very long time. 

But other than the two of them, no one else knew. No one knew about Steve's breaking heart, the false smiles he gave every day, the little moments where he would worry his engagement band, or even the moments where he was just staring at his hands with thick tears trailing down his face. No one knew, and no one asked. Sometimes Bucky would get fragments of their lives together that wasn't just platonic and he'd ask Steve about them, but Steve would mostly lie to him and say that they were just kidding or 'a _we come on Buck, that's just how we were'._ Only Steve knew what really happened and he was less inclined to tell anyone about it. 

He had only told Tony and Sam snippets of his time with Bucky, but it was nothing more. He was more obsessed with making sure that everyone else was happy before him. What right did he have to be so depressed? It wasn't like he and Bucky were mates or anything...They had been close and Bucky's mark was almost on him but was aborted quickly. There was a small faded little scar on his neck where Bucky bit him during one of their heats, but Bucky and the doctor's of their time had said that it didn't count. It wasn't deep enough or scared over properly, but it was there. Sometimes, the two of them would get feelings as though the bond mark was an actual mark just because of the things their mated friends had told them. But neither of them were sure. 

When Bucky had fallen off the train and died, Steve didn't feel any pain shooting up his arm or his neck or a blinding headache like his friends in war had experienced when their mates died. He didn't feel anything other than a broken heart and the feelings of blind death inside, so there must have been something to show that their bond mark wasn't real. Despite it being so obviously carved into his flesh and lighter than the rest of his skin, no one else had noticed it either. So there was also that. There was supposed to be an obvious feeling in his body that Steve was already claimed and taken, but none of his friends felt it. And Bucky didn't comment on it. 

It was getting harder to deal with however, pretending he wasn't in love with Bucky. Sometimes he would let it slip or show on his face and sometimes he would get weird looks because of it. Sometimes he'd have questions asked that he didn't want asked, and he would be forced to play it off with nonchalance. This, was what lead to Steve's current problem of being unable to mask his outward expressions. While he could convince them all with pills, there were looks on his face that were giving him away. There was that, and then there were little odd things Steve did. 

Sometimes at dinner or lunch or breakfast, Steve would refuse food and claim he wasn't hungry. As a result, he had dropped a few pounds and his clothes were ill fitting. He was still compacted with muscle, but he looked tired and weak. His complexion was pale and he was quiet a lot more and became exhausted quickly. It had been commented on a few times, but never really pressed. At one point however, Bucky snapped at him and forced him to eat something. Steve threw it up afterwards though, unintentionally of course. He had just been sick to his stomach at the thoughts racing in his head and barfed it all up. Bucky never found out. 

Steve was sitting on the couch with Bucky's knee touching his own with the other Avengers surrounding them. It was just Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Clint however and it was going well. Bucky was slightly leaning into Steve as they all played cards and were joking with one another, it was like old times. Steve was excited and happy and brimming with joy, and had he not been on suppressants, the entire room would have been filled with his scent. Bucky had used to comment on how he loved the smell of his happy omega and waking up to that sunshine smell every day.

Steve pushed the thought away, he didn't want to think about it anymore. Bucky wasn't his anymore, but he was still his best friend so that was something at least. 

"Aw Stevie, you never were good with cards. When are you gonna learn that I can read you like a book?" Bucky said, throwing his cards down and revealing his hand in poker. 

Steve groaned and conceded as Bucky took the entire bounty for himself. Steve smirked and leaned into Bucky just the slightest and they stayed like that. The five of them just talking and laughing and joking, and Steve felt content. He felt full and he felt...happy. Well, happier. He was almost all the way at ease when Natasha walked into the room. He looked up, the corner of his mouth twitching but he otherwise didn't do anything. Bucky on the other hand looked up and over at Natasha, his eyes lighting up as he shot to his feet. He sauntered over to her and the two embraced slightly for a little while longer than they should have. Steve looked back at the rest of the table while his fingers worried on his engagement band and he tired to keep up his faltering smile. 

"Care to play cards with us?" Bucky asked softly, his arm looping around her waist. 

"You know I'll cream you," she stated more as a fact than playful banter.

Bucky grinned, even Steve couldn't get that type of reaction from him. He looked back up at the two of them as they walked over, and he got to his feet. He smiled and greeted Natasha like normal and played off his aching chest like it was nothing. 

"Here, you take my place. There's not enough room at the table for six, besides I have to go to the gym and work out." Steve lied with a tight smile that appeared genuine. 

Bucky frowned,"Steve, there's plenty of room here. Stay a while. The gym isn't going anywhere, and you just went this morning." 

Steve shook his head and politely declined,"No, that's alright. I have to go. Can't keep this figure if I sit around all day." 

Bucky's frown deepened, but Steve didn't leave any more room for argument. He just smiled and turned and left to go to the gym, smile flopping off his face immediately with a wet slap as soon as the elevator door closed shut.

***

Steve did not go to the gym, and he did not go to dinner that night either. He just told them that he wasn't feeling well, and in truth he wasn't. He was just laying in his bed on his side staring out the large window like wall and trying not to remember. He was startled out of his thoughts with a sharp rap on his front door and the calling of his name. It was Bucky. Of course, it was always Bucky. 

Bucky had a habit of doing this. He would come down to Steve's room after having not seen him for a few hours and check on him, and each time Steve would tell him he was fine. This day however, Steve didn't feel up to it. He was low and wanted to wallow in his misery, but he knew Bucky wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't answer the door. So, Steve got to his shaky feet and opened the door. 

Bucky looked in, his eyes wide and ready to see his blossoming Steve. Instead, all he was met with was the thin muscle clad red eyed Steve with a seemingly genuine smile on his face. Bucky's good nature look fell and he looked at Steve with concern. Steve opened the door wide and let Bucky walk in.

"You've been crying," he stated, voice clipped.

Steve winced at his tone and turned to face Bucky with his tight smile still latched on,"I was watching a movie. The ending was sad.  _Return to Paradise._ "

Bucky raised an eyebrow,"Really?"

"Yes, really. I'm fine Bucky, I promise it was just a movie," he lied.

"You don't smell fine. In fact, you don't smell like anything. You don't smell like anything anymore. You always smell... _neutral_." Bucky said with heat. 

Steve looked down at the floor and scuffed his foot against the hardwood,"It's the meds I'm taking, they disrupt my scent. Which reminds me, I have to take them now." 

Steve walked past Bucky and into the kitchen and grabbed his small pill box. Six green, two blue, one yellow, three white. They were all there. The green to smash down his scent until there was nothing left, the white to prevent his heat, the blue to make sure his heat was painless when it was bypassed, and the yellow to provide vitamins he was lacking. He looked at the pills in his hands, hesitating for a moment before he realized Bucky was still in the room with him. He looked back at Bucky quickly and then downed the pills in one go, the taste was rancid and made Steve wince on the inside. He replaced his pill box in the cabinet and then turned back to face Bucky who was eyeing him from his peripherals. 

"Why do you take them? I don't remember hearing about you needing anything special after all of your problems were fixed with the serum." Bucky said, an edge of suspicion in his voice.

Steve scratched the back of his head before answering,"Uh, vitamins. I haven't been getting enough of them lately. Just too busy with work I guess." 

"Or maybe it's because you don't eat as much anymore." Bucky countered.

Steve let the shock slide off his face as he looked over and out the window behind Bucky. He reverted back to a controlled military look and squared his shoulders, the lies coming much easier than they used to. 

"I have enough, Buck. Sometimes I just get too busy doing my own things and eat here instead." Steve said with a small smile.

Bucky crossed his arms and just stared at Steve. Bucky knew Steve was lying. How could he not? Steve was thinner than he normally was, he was more lean than he was bulky now. He moved a little slower and his hands shook sometimes during the day and his temper seemed shorter as a result. He would get annoyed quickly or shut up entirely and have to sit beside himself before he was able to engage in activities again. But, Steve of course put this out of his mind and soldiered on like a normal person would. 

"Really?" Bucky pressed.

"Really." Steve answered.

They had conversations like these a lot. 

"So...what did you come here for?" Steve asked, feigning nonchalance as he walked over to the window and looked out with his back towards Bucky.

Bucky smirked and sat down on the couch while resting his feet on the coffee table,"What? So I need a reason to see my best guy now?" 

Steve looked down at his hands and frowned but found himself saying in his classic chipper voice,"Of course not Buck, you're my best friend; you don't need an excuse to come over." 

***

Steve hated game night. He hated it with a passion. He used to love it so much more before Natasha and Bucky got together. But now, he hated it. They would play games or watch movies and most of the time Bucky would tease Steve about who knows what, but now it was Natasha who took his place. The two would be saddled up together and laughing or joking and sometimes they would turn and grin at one another, and Steve's pasty smile would quiver. 

They were in the middle of playing Mario Kart when Steve happened to glance over after the track was finished and caught the slightest little glimpse of Bucky holding Natasha's hand up and kissing it while whispering something in Russian. Steve's face went cold and he turned back to the screen. He slowly dropped from third place in rank down to eleventh in a few seconds flat. He wound up finishing the game in eighth place and not on the leader board with Sam, Clint, and Bucky. 

Steve got up from the couch and excused himself.

"Boo! Sore loser!" Sam yelled from the couch as he selected the next game to play.

"Always were competitive, Stevie!" Bucky yelled back.

Steve laughed, and even it sounded hollow to his ears. He left the room and stumbled into the wall, leaning his whole weight there and then dragging himself to the bathroom. He leaned over the sink, letting the water run to attempt to calm his nerves and block out his thoughts.

_"I love you Steive."_

_"My best guy."_

_"Always, always yours."_

_"Will you marry me?"_

_"'Til the end of the line."  
_

_"I love you-"_

_Bucky kissed her hand-_

Steve rushed to the toilet and threw up, expelling mostly liquids and some solids he had forced himself to eat that morning. His retching was quite loud and he prayed that no one else heard it. But low and behold, someone did. 

There was a sharp knocking on the door, and between Steve's gagging and gasping he was aware of Tony's voice on the other side of the door. When Steve did not answer him, he heard the bathroom door being forcefully opened before Tony's hand was soothing his back softly. He heard Tony say kind things to him, but his brain didn't register them. He just felt Tony's hand on his back and the words he was saying, and almost just  _almost_ if he concentrated hard enough, he could pretend it was Bucky. 

***

"Steve, my man. What are you doing?" Sam said when he came into the gym. 

Steve didn't turn away from the punching bag he was using and just focused on his own activities. 

"Working out." he answered gruffly. 

Sam sidled over to him softly and threw his work out bag on the mat next to him and began to punch at the bag with a normal rhythm. Steve stared straight ahead, his eyes concentrated straight ahead on the bag.

"This isn't working out man, this is running. It's unhealthy." Sam said softly. 

Steve didn't stop punching the bag, but his hits did become harder and his hands began to ache. Even though he wrapped his knuckles to keep them from splitting and bruising, he could feel the tell tale signs that he was beginning to hurt himself. But he kept hitting. 

"I'm not running from anything, Sam." Steve said in a breathy voice. 

Sam hit his bag once more and then turned to Steve. 

"You are. You don't have to lie to me, Steve, I can see you're hurting. It happens to a lot of vets. But, I know that you're not running from war time stories. You're running from Barnes...and you need to stop." Sam said. 

"There's nothing I need to talk to him about. We're fine. I'm fine." Steve said, anger rising some. 

"You're not fine Steve. You barely eat, you're not sleeping, and any time I do see you, you're barely holding it together." Sam confessed.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows and hit the bag harder, the chain it was suspended from creaked in protest. 

"Look. I know you don't want to hear this from me, because there's no way that I am able to identify with what you're going through and I'm not going to pretend I do, but you need to talk with him. He might understand you better, and maybe he'll tone down whatever he and Nat have around you." 

Steve hit the bag more fiercely,"I can't do that to him. He's happy and I'm not going to stand in his way. He's been so unhappy and tortured for the past seventy years, and I'm not going to burden him with my feelings. He doesn't deserve that."

Sam crossed his arms, trying to stay as calm as possible but failing to keep the edge out of his voice," _Burden him?_ Burden him by telling him what you used to have? How would that burden him. He has a right to know. You were almost bonded! You almost got married!  _Married,_ Steve. Don't you think he deserves to know the truth instead of living his life without knowing and finding out later in his life when he could still love you and not being able to do anything about it! Don't you think he deserves that. Don't you think  _you_ deserve that?"

Steve hit the bag harder and harder this time until suddenly, the bag was across the room and spilling out sand from its busted seams. Steve was panting when he turned to face Sam with a crinkled forehead and hard eyes. His wrapped hands were peaking blood and he was sure at least a layer of his skin was pealed away, he was going to have to be more careful this time. 

"I don't need it, Sam. I've been selfish my whole life with Bucky looking after me, and now, now it's my turn to take care of him. He can never find out, because I don't want him to. It's not fair to him and it doesn't matter what I need. I just want him to be happy, Sammy." Steve panted out. 

"Steve-"

"No, seriously. I don't need to talk to him. There's nothing to talk about. I'm fine, he's happy and that's enough for me," Steve said as he left the gym,"Excuse me." 

***

Steve was panicking. He was rushing and he was panicking. He had already torn apart his own apartment and the game room, and had now moved onto the living space where the Avengers usually hung out. He had already torn up the kitchen on the floor and now was digging through the couch cushions when Bucky came into the room. He didn't have time to register who it was or regain his composure, he was too busy crying and hyperventilating to notice. He stood up and grabbed at his dog tags that were technically Bucky's, like what he was looking for would magically be there after looking for the past two hours and not finding it. 

He looked up and noticed Bucky was in the room watching him with concern, and he wiped his eyes and distractedly went back to looking around the room. He was making soft sobbing sounds as he walked about the room, when Bucky tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and faced Bucky, unable to slap on a smile over his distress. 

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Bucky cooed.

Steve brought a hand up to cover his mouth and then spoke to Bucky with a more controlled voice,"I-I lost something I'm loo-looking for it." 

He pushed past Bucky and went to look through the basket of blankets.

"What did you lose?" Bucky asked as he turned to face somewhere else in the room to help search. 

"My-my engagement ring. I lost my engagement ring," Steve sobbed out.

He was just barely aware he'd let it slip that it was his ring when Bucky addressed it.

" _Your_ engagement ring?" Bucky said incredulously.

Steve froze for a moment and then made an amendment to his statement,"It's not mine, it's my mother's. I went into the ice with it s-so I still have it." 

Bucky nodded as though the statement were totally acceptable, and went back to looking. It turned out to be a whole waste of time however, because by the time the room was torn apart, they hadn't found it. What it did result in, was Steve curled up in the corner crying with his knees drawn up and pushing Bucky away from him until he left. Steve was vaguely aware of the fact that Bucky hadn't actually left and that he was just watching him in case he needed him, but for Steve he might as well have been alone. 

***

Steve wasn't the same after he lost his ring. He felt as though his heart had gone down the drain and that he had truly lost Bucky. There was nothing tying him to Bucky anymore or reminding him that Bucky used to be his. Their time together was more of a memory, and so Steve resigned himself to the fact that he would just have to let go. 

***

Steve had pains shooting up and down his neck and a large headache. It had been happening on and off all week whenever he had been thinking about Bucky. He was trying to let go of Bucky, really let go. He was trying to make sure that he properly let Bucky go, but for some reason it was taking a toll on him. He was in so much pain, and after these moments had passed and he was around Bucky, he felt at least ten times better. He always felt lighter and more attuned with himself, and it was so much harder than it should have been. 

Any time afterwards, when he was with Bucky, there was this pull in his body to get him to go back and hold his hand and hold him closer. He didn't know why, but it was there all of the time. However, he always ignored this feeling and when he did it only made his feelings stronger. 

Today, was a particularly hard day. His headache hadn't gone away for at least three hours before he left his apartment, and when he did it was finally in time for movie night. He had picked a seat away from Bucky so he could curl in on himself and wallow in his self misery, but Bucky must have caught on to something in his face and moved seats to sit with him. He had gotten paler and it was harder to hide his emotions when he was around Bucky, so he really only had himself to blame. 

"Mind if I sit here?" Bucky asked while Tony and Bruce were arguing over which film to put on.

Steve only nodded his head, but otherwise remained silent. The movie started, and Steve didn't speak to Bucky. He didn't move and he didn't touch Bucky in any way. All he did was watch the movie without really watching it. At some point, his eyes glazed over and he wasn't really aware of what he was doing or where he was sitting; and when he came to his senses towards the end of the movie, he realized where he was. He was laying down in Bucky's lap with Bucky carding his fingers through his hair softly and holding his hand. 

He stayed like that for the rest of the movie, indulging himself in this one last pleasure. The movie ended and Steve sat up from Bucky's lap just in time to see Natasha come over to the both of them. Bucky's face lit up and he smiled at Natasha while Steve gave them both a soft nod and let them leave together. Bucky held out his arm for Natasha, and she gratefully took it and they walked out of the room together. Steve sat on the couch there after, even after all of the other Avengers filtered out of the room. 

"Steve," Sam said quietly. 

Steve didn't move, he just looked down at his hands with a blank expression. Sam just sat down next to him and pulled Steve into a tight embrace, tucking Steve's face against his neck and letting his strong alpha pheromones wash over the trembling omega. Tony sat on the other side of Steve and leaned into the both of them. 

"It's alright, Steve, you can cry." Tony said softly. 

Steve stared ahead for a few moments, and then his resolve broke. He let out hard ugly sobs that bounced on the walls all across the room, and were harsh even to his own ears. Tony and Sam tried their best to comfort him, but the night ended like most usually did for Steve. He was curled up on the couch between Tony and Sam when Bucky discovered them there the next morning.

***

Steve was getting better. Or at least, he hoped. It was either that, or he was closing off his heart and he suspected it was the latter. He didn't meet up with Bucky much outside of group settings, and if there were times that he was supposed to he would cancel plans or fake that he forgot. Right now however, was one time that he couldn't avoid Bucky and one time where he really did want to.

He had just finished his work out on the treadmill and gone into the shower when Bucky walked in. It wasn't as though they hadn't seen each other nude before, but it was under different circumstances. Steve felt like he was trespassing and as though he wasn't allowed or shouldn't be allowed to see this much of Bucky. So when his eyes raked over Bucky's body, he snapped his gaze away and fixed it on the shower head. 

"Hey Stevie, haven't seen you around lately," Bucky said as he stopped at the shower head next to Steve.

Steve just nodded and made a small smile and closed his eyes to rinse out his shampoo. 

"So where have you been?" Bucky said as he dipped his head under the stream of water. 

"Just been busy with work and Sam wants me to hang with him a lot now," he lied with a squeak. 

Bucky nodded and poured some of Steve's shampoo on his hands and began to wash his hair. Steve wished he wouldn't do that, but here he was, doing just that. 

"Sam's your bond mate, right? Tony too? I saw you last week after the movie, curled up with them on the couch. They seem...nice." Bucky said coolly.

"They're not my mates." Steve said firmly. 

Bucky looked at Steve calculatingly and then moved closer to him to where he was half way under Steve's flow of water. He looked up at Steve with earnest eyes and then raised his flesh hand and traced the "bond scar" on Steve's neck lightly with his fingers. 

"Then who left this?" Bucky asked, voice just above the sound of the water.

_You,_ Steve thought. 

"It was an accident, I got it during the Battle of New York. Shrapnel tore up my skin," Steve said, turning his head to the side to get Bucky to take his hands off of him. 

"Oh," was all Bucky had to say. 

Steve gave a curt nod, a blush rising to his cheeks as he felt Bucky's hand ghost down his chest. 

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Bucky whispered, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.

"No, no not at all." Steve squawked.

Bucky smiled,"That's good."

Steve stood stock still, and a few seconds later he felt a washcloth covered in soap roaming across his chest. He looked down only to see Bucky washing the front of his body like he used to when they were able to get away with it in the community showers on their floor.

"You've gotten skinnier," Bucky commented.

It was true, Steve had gotten skinnier. His wrists, ribs, and collarbones were more prominent now than they ever used to be.

"Steve, what's wrong?" Bucky asked softly.

Steve looked down at him with a perplexed expression,"Nothing? Why?"

Bucky shrugged as he moved down Steve's chest and to his stomach,"You haven't been acting the same. You've gotten thinner and I  _know_ you aren't eating. And I rarely see you anymore. Even when I go by your place, it's almost always empty." 

Bucky's hand holding the washcloth delved a little further down, and Steve caught his wrist with an iron grip. A blush was spreading to his cheeks, but there was a heavy dull sensation in his throat that told him not to let Bucky get any closer than he already was. He grabbed the cloth from Bucky and turned a little bit away and washed himself instead of letting Bucky do so. 

"So what's wrong, Steve? I know there's something bothering you or else you wouldn't be like this." Bucky said as he touched Steve's shoulder. 

"There's nothing." Steve said flatly. 

Steve shrugged his hand off and stepped under the water, hoping the stream and noise would block out his growing urges to turn to Bucky and kiss him. He wanted to turn and look at Bucky softly and slowly and kiss all over his shoulders and collarbone like he used to, and then drop to his knees before Bucky and open his mouth. He wanted to have Bucky hold him one last time against the tiles of the bathroom and--

_Stop it, Rogers. He doesn't want_ you, Steve thought. 

"Steve, are you alright?" Bucky asked, concern dripping into his voice.

Steve opened his eyes and looked at Bucky, taking in the worried brow and down turned mouth. He snapped out of his obvious depressed look and realized that he must have been out of it longer than the few seconds he thought he had been. He smiled and handed Bucky back his wash cloth. 

"Yes, I'm fine." he lied once more,"Here, turn around and I'll do your back." 

Bucky just raised and eyebrow and turned around wordlessly and Steve took his sponge to his back. He just wanted Bucky to stop looking at him. Stop looking so closely and taking in the emotions he was getting bad at hiding now. He was washing Bucky's back, when suddenly over the scented soaps he caught a whiff of a familiar smell that made him tear up and hold back a choked sob. 

It was Bucky. Just fully Bucky and the smell of calm and happiness. He had only ever smelled it mingled with the group and Natasha's cool scent, but never with his own or by itself. It made him nostalgic, but above all, it made him ache for the remainder of their shower. He finished washing Bucky's back, and then excused himself by saying that he was getting a little light headed by the steam. 

Bucky was left in the bathroom staring after Steve with his hunched shoulders leaving the room and wiping his face, seemingly innocent. 

***

"I'm moving in," Bucky said as he pushed past Steve with a few bags full of clothes and necessities. 

Steve stood at the door to his apartment with a shocked look on his face and closed the door softly before turning to face Bucky. Bucky had already plopped his things down in the corner of the room and started to unpack some of his things without Steve's consent. 

"Why?" was all he said. 

Bucky tossed a calculating look at him, and then went about the room and unloaded his things without a care in the world,"So I can take care of you. I used to do it, and I'll do it again. You haven't been taking care of yourself, and I'm going to make sure you do." 

Steve's hands curled into fists,"I don't need you to take care of me, Buck, I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself." 

"Really? Then tell me, when was the last time you left this room without someone telling you to? Huh?" Bucky said, hands on hips as he turned to face Steve.

Steve pressed his lips into a thin line,"That doesn't matter. I've been needing alone time lately to relax, that's all."

"No, you've been withdrawing from society. You're holing yourself up in here, and its unhealthy. Whatever this is, we're getting passed it and getting better." Bucky said, approaching Steve with quiet footsteps.

"I'm fine Bucky, really. You don't need to do this. I don't need you to do this," Steve snipped. 

"I do need to do it, I need to do it because I care about you. I'll always be here for you Stevie. Always." 

Steve clenched his jaw, clearly getting the message that Bucky wasn't going anywhere any time soon. He nodded, but otherwise stayed still when Bucky gave a beaming smile. 

"Now that we've got that out of the way, help me unpack. You have a spare bedroom, right?" Bucky asked as he gathered his bags.

Steve nodded curtly and showed Bucky to his new room where they set up together to unpack. It didn't take much time, but by the time they were finished it was close to dinner. Bucky suggested that they eat in tonight, and Steve had no choice but to accept his proposal. They sat in Steve's living room on the floor just talking, and Steve was reminded of the time they first moved in together.

It had been raining that day, and they had just moved in the shabby furniture Bucky found in a flea market and were talking together. It was light and it was happy, and they were touching innocently. They had gotten together recently, smelling freshly of almost newly bonded mates and it was good. Steve remembered seeing Bucky sitting across from him in his white dress shirt and slacks with suspenders, and then in the next moment they were kissing softly. They were snuggled up next to one another on the floor and just talking and holding hands before they went to bed. It was good and it was clean and it was soft. 

Steve looked up, if he looked hard enough and ignored the lingering scent of cool pine that was Natasha on Bucky, he could pretend they were in a similar situation like they were now. He looked up at Bucky who was mid sentence and shoving a piece of pizza at Steve with soft force, and found himself just as in love as he always had been. He took the slice Bucky offered him and all the others after that, even when he started to feel queasy. He didn't want the moment to end, he wanted to sit in the dark with Bucky like they used to and pretend they were still in love. But, he wasn't so fortunate.

Steve gagged for a second when he took a drink of water, and the sensation wouldn't go away. He felt himself turning away from Bucky and scrambling to get to the bathroom before he puked. He was half way there down the hall, when he had to stop and throw up. His stomach was unaccustomed to the intake of so much food due to his cut back in meals over an extended period of time. He doubled over and emptied all of his contents onto the floor and made ridiculous sobbing noises as Bucky supported him.

When he finished and he was left with just himself trembling while Bucky held him, he wiped his eyes and fell to his knees looking at the messy bile. He started to apologize before he could think of it any better and found himself grabbing at a towel on the floor and sopping it all up while crying softly. He had ruined the mood. Why did he have to do that? And it front of Bucky of all people.

"I'm s-sorry, I'll ha-have this-s cleaned up in a mo-mo-moment." he heaved out.

He was mostly just swiping around on the floor his throw up rather than cleaning it and he knew it was embarrassing, but he couldn't do much about it.

"Steve, stop. It's alright. Let me do this, it's okay; you go sit down until you feel better, I can clean this up." Bucky cooed as he knelt down beside Steve.

Steve only shook his head and turned his face away from Bucky,"No, no-I have-can do it by my-s-self." he babbled.

Bucky grabbed Steve's hand and his chin and made him look at him. Steve's face was red and his eyes were wide with large tears that he hurried to blink away.

"Stevie, it's alright. I'll take care of you." Bucky said, his alpha pheromones coming over Steve in a washing calm. 

Steve looked at Bucky with frightened eyes darting back and forth between Bucky's,"I'm sorry."

He felt his tears streaming down his face faster and faster as Bucky looked at him, and all he could say was 'I'm sorry' over and over again. He was vaguely aware of Bucky holding him against his chest and whispering endearments in his ears while he calmed down, and in the next moment, he was standing in the bathroom cleaning himself up. 

He drifted from the bathroom to his bedroom and changed out of his clothes quietly. He dressed in a new loose t-shirt and slipped out of his jeans to slide into bed in only his boxers. He crawled into his bed and burrowed into his covers, determined to let himself cry without Bucky's presence until he fell asleep. He was wracked with silent sobs and keeping his noises in check when Bucky pressed up against his back. 

"Steve, Stevie, it's okay. You can cry, I've got you. You're safe, you're home. I'm here." Bucky said as he pulled Steve to face him. 

Steve pressed his face into Bucky's chest and cried and cried. He breathed in Bucky's scent and tried not to remember just how much it smelled like home and just how comforted he was. Bucky wasn't his anymore. Bucky wasn't his home anymore. Bucky was Natasha's and he had no right to keep him like this. But here he was, attached to Bucky and so vulnerable and just  _wishing_ that just maybe Bucky loved him still somewhere deep in his heart. 

***

"Come on bud, it's time to go home." Tony said as he lifted Steve up off of the counter. 

"No, don't wanna," Steve slurred.

"Just how much did he drink?" he heard Bruce say from somewhere else in the room. 

"Not sure, I found him like this twenty minutes ago with two bottles of the gin I made for him half drunk." Tony said over his shoulder.

Steve tried not to think about how heavy his arms felt and how the room was spinning while Tony pulled him to his feet.

"Come on Steve, Barnes is probably looking for you. Let's get you home, yeah? He'll be there waiting for you." Tony said softly, affection seeping into his voice and exuding calm omega that otherwise unaffected Steve. 

At the mentioning of Bucky, Steve pushed away from Tony and stumbled to the side with a growl,"No! I don't want to go home. B-because he'll  _be there_."

"Steve..." Tony tried once more,"You have to go home, Barnes it worried sick about you."

Steve shook his head,"He isn't. He doesn't want me. He'd be happier if I was gone." 

"Don't say that," Tony said with steel in his tone,"Even if he doesn't want you in the way you want him to, he's your best friend and he will always need you just as much as you need him." 

"No, Bucky never needed me. He didn't need me at all, I always needed him and now I'm taking advantage of him. I'm just a burden, and he doesn't need that." Steve hiccuped,"He doesn't need me."

Before Tony could counter or anyone could catch him, Steve crashed to the floor in his drunken stupor and started to black out. He caught glimpses of Tony and Bruce's feet, and then a flash of silver and a red communist star. And then, the voices faded away and everything was a purple black. 

***

The only reason why Steve was at the charity event, was because Bucky asked him to go. He asked him to go so he could keep an eye on him and make sure he wasn't going to get into trouble, and part of Steve was grateful for that. 

However, he was less grateful for the way that Bucky had abandoned him so soon for Natasha. They looked dashing together, truly, they did. Natasha was all angles and rough edges and when paired with Bucky's, they were insatiable. They looked good together with her hand wrapped so casual around his arm, and his arm so low on her waist. They looked content. They looked happy. They looked at ease. They looked like a couple. 

They were dancing in the middle of the room when Steve saw them last. They were dancing slow and pressed up against each other so firmly, and Bucky was laughing loudly while Natasha grinned. That was all Steve saw before he ducked out of the room and went home to his apartment where it smelled too much like Bucky. 

***

Natasha and Bucky were cuddled up on his couch when he came home from the super market with prepackaged meals he hated but ate anyways. They were speaking in Russian to one another and touching so softly with so much affection, that Steve hated to interrupt them. He smiled and dropped the things off in the kitchen without a word and then left promptly. Bucky called after him, but Steve didn't stop and instead just left. 

He didn't come home until way after midnight when Bucky was asleep. They didn't talk about what happened, and Steve never brought it up. 

***

There was a ring on Natasha's left hand a month later and she was beaming with excitement, even if it was contained and subtle. 

"Wow, nice ring, Nat." Bruce commented. 

"Thank you, Bucky bought it for me," she said as Bucky grinned from ear to ear. 

_Bucky bought it for me._

***

Bucky had taken to sleeping in his bed, and when Steve would wake up in the morning he was always pressed up against him so firmly. But he always rectified the situation by pushing himself away from Bucky and taking a shower where he was able to wash away the smell of Bucky. But, it was getting harder to do that and Steve was faced with a difficult decision. 

So, one morning hours before Bucky roused from his sleep, Steve gathered up his clothes and moved out. He moved out of the Tower and to a small one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn that didn't smell like Bucky and didn't remind him of his almost mate everywhere he went. 

He left a note that simply read:

_Bucky,_

_Left Tower on business. Won't be back. Take care, see you around._

_-Rogers_

***

They were fighting an unknown villain that Steve didn't much care for in the heart of New York, when the thought struck him. He had been dodging the hits and attacks that came at him every few seconds, but this time he wasn't countering or moving out of the way. He just stood still with his shield at his side and closing his eyes as he blocked out the sounds around him. He felt the heat of a blow that would surely take him out and he resigned himself to the fact that he was going to die. 

He didn't mind. He thought maybe everyone would see it as an accident rather than him taking himself out of the equation, and he could live with that. He could live with dying. He would be alright, and it would be fine. He was prepared for death and embraced the idea just as he felt a heavy brunt of force come from his left and move him out of the way. He felt himself collide with the concrete and when he opened his eyes, Bucky was above him with a scowl. 

"Bucky..." Steve whispered.

"You bastard! Are you trying to get yourself killed?" he screamed. 

It was the first time Steve had seen Bucky in over a month, and all he wanted to do was look at him and hold him close. But all he did was touch Bucky's face to make sure he was real and look up at him in wonder. 

"Of course not," he breathed.

Bucky's frown only deepened as he hauled Steve to his feet,"Sure. We're going to talk about this later, but in the meantime stay with me so we can take this fucker down." 

Steve nodded and followed Bucky into battle. He would die for Bucky or he would die trying for Bucky. It didn't matter the time or situation, Bucky was his world and he would do anything to make sure he was safe or looked after. 

***

"What the actual fuck, Rogers!" was all Tony had to say to him once he'd shed his suit and was able to stand in front of he bruised and bloodied super soldier. 

Steve only stared down at him with a calm expression.

"What were you thinking? You almost got killed! And for what? Were you even paying attention? If Barnes hadn't been there to save your ass, you would be another skid mark on Wall Street." Tony huffed.

"I'm sorry...I must not have been paying attention to my surroundings," he lied, he was getting better at lying to the people he cared about.

"No, you weren't. Just...just, please be more careful next time." Tony said with a huff before he walked out of the room.

Steve let out a breath he was holding and crumpled in on himself and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He had been this close to dying, and that thought scared him. It scared the shit out of him, and secretly deep down inside, he was glad that Bucky had saved him. 

_Bucky_. 

Steve looked up and scanned the room he was in. In the door way, Bucky stood there with his arms crossed and his head bowed. Steve could feel the anger and smell it radiating off of Bucky. The omega inside of him cowered but he also wanted to go over there and scoop the alpha up into a tender embrace. But Steve didn't do any of that. He just watched Bucky from the other side of the room tentatively. 

"Bucky," he tried, voice just above a whisper as he looked down at the floor. 

He looked back up just in time to see Bucky standing in front of him with anger all over his face. He was going to open his mouth and say something, when pain bloomed all across the side of his face. Bucky had slapped him, and he accepted it without a fight. He looked down at the ground and blinked away the emotions threatening to rise out of him.

"How could you do that to us? How could you almost get yourself killed  _on purpose_? It's selfish Steve. Its reckless and it's selfish. How could you do that? How could you do that to  _me?_ " Bucky asked before he turned on his heal and left the room. 

Steve was left standing in the room touching his red pained cheek with only one thought,"Because I love you, and I can't do it anymore. I can't love you anymore Bucky, but I don't want to let you go." he whispered. 

***

Tony had forced him to move back into the apartment after that incident. He had sent Steve with a notice that his apartment he was renting in Brooklyn was foreclosed and that he  _must_ come back to the Tower. He had moved back with reluctance and was placed back in his old apartment with Bucky only to find it devoid of Bucky even though his things were still there and it smelled just like him. 

He was also forced into a regiment of therapy for his eating disorder and emotional state of mind. He saw his therapist three times a week and they talked about Steve's suicidal episode and Bucky. They mostly talked about Bucky though, and Steve often came home with red eyes and a little less weight on his chest. Tony had also told Steve that he was prohibited from taking his suppressants for both heat and scent so that his body could go back to normal without anything else artificial in his body.

The only good that came from this was the fact that Bucky wasn't around to see Steve in such a depressing manner or smell just how distraught he was. For that, Steve was grateful.

He had seen Bucky around the Tower at times, but he always made sure to stay out of his way. Bucky hadn't sought him out since he had come back or since he had slapped him, and for once Steve was going to honor his decisions. He made himself invisible when Bucky was there however, and Bucky never commented on it. He was avoiding him just as hard, and one morning he felt like his heart had snapped and that he was dead inside.

He would get better. He would get better, and when he was better, he would let Bucky go. He would let him go so Bucky could be happy.

***

Steve came home from a run one morning after having been cleared by Banner to have gained enough weight and muscle mass to be able to go on a run that wouldn't make him faint, to find Bucky sitting at the bar. He softly walked into his apartment and looked at Bucky expectantly, whom only sat there looking down at his coffee. He stood off to Bucky's side and bowed his head while he waited for Bucky to speak. 

The silence dragged on until Bucky finally spoke,"It smells like you now."

Steve stayed silent, giving Bucky all of his attention and the right to speak.

"It smells sad. You smell sad. Why didn't you tell me?" Bucky said, now turning to face Steve.

Steve only shrugged and waited for Bucky to continue. 

"You weren't taking pills because of low vitamins. You were trying to hide just how much you were hurting from everyone. From me. I wish you told me." 

"I'm sorry." Steve said without looking up.

"You don't have to be sorry, Stevie." 

Steve only nodded and remained silent. 

"I-I remembered something...about us." he started.

Steve froze, fear creeping into him that he tried to squash down.

"I proposed to you, didn't I?" he stated. 

Steve felt his hands go cold and shake,"O-of course not. We were just friends Buck. You-you were practicing with me, for...for someone else." 

Bucky remained silent, but Steve could feel his frustration seeping out,"Why are you lying to me?" 

Bucky's voice was devoid of all emotion and icy beyond belief. Steve shivered and tried not to let his fear seep out into the room, but even he could smell it filling up the area. 

"I'm not lying, Buck." he whispered.

Bucky slammed his hand down on the table, the granite cracking under the metal,"You are. Why won't you tell me the truth? Why are you doing this?" 

"I'm not. Don't you think I'd tell you if we had been together?" he said with false humor. 

Bucky got up and walked over to Steve until he was right in front of him,"We were. I don't remember all of it, but we were. We were together and you loved me and I loved you. So why didn't you tell me!" 

Steve was silent for a while before he spoke with a trembling voice,"I-I wanted you to be happy. You couldn't be happy if I troubled you with those emotions." 

"Christ, Stevie! Happy? What makes you think I'm happy without you? I loved you and we bonded." 

Steve shook his head,"We didn't bond. You have no obligation towards me. You're happier now than you ever were with me and I don't want to stand in the way of that." 

"And why would I be happier without you?" Bucky ground out.

Steve's lip twitched in a humorless smile,"You have her. You love her, and you're happier with her. Natasha loves you and you love her."

"Natasha?" Bucky asked, obvious confusion apparent.

Steve nodded. 

Realization dawned on Bucky and his features grew softer as he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder,"Steve, Natasha and I aren't together."

Steve felt anger boil in him, and he pushed Bucky's hand off of his shoulder roughly,"Don't lie to me because you think it will make me feel better."

"Why would I lie about that?" Bucky countered. 

Steve just shrugged in response. 

"Steve, you're my bond mate and I love you. I don't love Natasha, she's just my friend. She's the only one out of the Avengers besides you who understands me. We're close, but we're nothing more than friends. I promise you, I promise." Bucky said. 

"Why would you love me? Why? Why would you ever? I tried to kill myself, I see a therapist three times a week, I  _lied_ to you, I have an eating disorder, and I-I'm  _broken_. You don't have to feel obligated for what we used to be. I won't hold you back. You'd be happier with someone else who can-can give you the life you want. Who can give you pups and isn't so fucked up. I would have broken the bond a long time ago if I knew about it and released you from this so you didn't have to say things like that. You don't love me Buck, you don't love me anymore," Steve said while he was actively crying. 

"Baby doll..." Bucky said.

Steve's chest clenched at the familiar nickname. 

"You have never been broken, you have always been perfect. You've always been mine and I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't love anyone else, and I never could. I don't care that you can't give me pups or that you have issues, I still love you. I loved you when you were frail and skinny and I'll love you now. I will always love you Stevie, please believe me." 

Steve bowed his head and let Bucky embrace him,"But why?"

Bucky kissed the top of his head and held him tighter,"Because you're you, Steve. You're all I've ever wanted, and you're all I'll ever need."

***

Steve was doing better. He wasn't just okay or fine or getting there, he was  _better_. He was happier and lighter and in love. Sometimes he would get bouts where he believed that Bucky didn't want him anymore or times where he would start crying and apologizing profusely for the simplest of things, but most of his days were good. He still saw his therapist, but the times during the week were less and less until it was just twice a month. He was doing better, and it didn't go unnoticed. 

His relationship with Bucky had gotten better as well, and they were closer every day. They started with kissing and hand holding, and after a while there was no hesitance in moving on. They had made love and exchanged other sorts of sexual exchanges and they were going along well. That was, until Bucky realized that his rut and Steve's heat were lining up. 

"Steve, baby," Bucky said tentatively one morning,"we need to talk about our cycles."

Steve stirred and shifted closer to Bucky,"What about?" he said groggily. 

"Well, how do you want to spend it? Do you want to spend it alone or do you want me there?" Bucky said as he brushed Steve's hair aside.

Steve opened his eyes and looked at Bucky with a crinkled forehead,"Do you want to spend it alone? I can take some suppressants and it won't be a problem-"

"No! No, no, not at all. Baby, I want you so badly and always will. I just wanted to see what you were comfortable with before the moment takes us." 

Steve smiled softly and nuzzled in closer to Bucky's chest,"I want to spend it with you."

Bucky smiled and kissed the top of Steve's head,"That's all you had to say." 

***

Steve was pacing back and forth in the living room. His skin felt like it was melting from the inside out and he could just barely contain himself. Bucky was taking too damn long. He knew he  was on a mission, but he was scheduled to get back over two hours ago. Steve didn't know how he was able to even been fucking coherent at the moment with his pre-heat begging him to go find the first alpha dick and be split open. 

He sat down on the couch, and then remembered his ass was leaking slick and he shot up. He thought about the feeling that could sate his appetite and groaned, dick growing impossibly hard in his pants. He couldn't hold it any longer, he'd just take the edge off before Bucky got there. 

He ran to the bedroom and pealed his pants off and in a haste and laid down on the bed and spread his legs. He didn't mind the fact that his slick was wetting the bed sheets completely, he was more focused on chasing his pleasure down. He slowly let a hand go down between his legs where his red dick was lying untouched and angry. He wrapped his fingers around the head softly and squeezed; he moaned and jerked his head back with fervency. It felt so good to be able to touch himself like this and revel in pleasure, but it wasn't enough. 

There was an itch inside him that needed to be scratched, and Steve knew the only way that could even remotely be achieved was to have Bucky fill him up. But Bucky wasn't here, so, Steve took matters into his own hands. He sucked on his fingers quickly and maneuvered himself into a better position with his ass in the air and chest flat against the mattress. He paused for a moment and then worked a finger in slowly. He pressed it against his slick entrance and pushed inside slowly and curled his finger press against his prostate. He moaned into the sheets and pressed in another finger, relishing in the slight release it gave him. He moaned harder as he scissored himself open and stabbed his prostate with his fingers every few seconds. 

He was just barely aware of the bedroom door opening as he felt his orgasm growing and turned his head to face the door. Bucky walked into the room still dressed in his costume from his mission, mask not even taken off and soot still all over his clothes. Steve moaned and let his hands fall from his ass and looked up at Bucky. Bucky took his mask off and looked at Steve with wide pupils. 

"Steve," he said with a low rumble. 

Steve moaned and spread his legs a little wider, presenting for his alpha. He watched as Bucky ripped his battle gear off until he was left in nothing but his black pants and sniffing the air. 

"You couldn't wait for me, baby? Just had to go and be so slutty without your alpha here to help you?" he said as he walked up behind Steve and jammed two fingers inside without warning.

Steve whimpered,"Alpha...alpha I need you."

A shiver ran up Bucky's spine and he muttered something in Russian before he unzipped his pants and rubbed himself against Steve. They stayed like this for a moment until Steve's right hand clawed at Bucky's pants and he moaned with frustration. He looked over his shoulder with his brow pinched together and his mouth open wide.

"B-Bucky," he whined,"Don't tease."

Bucky smirked, just barely cognizant enough to keep up the banter and his reactions without slamming into Steve immediately,"So impatient, I didn't raise a slut."

Steve whined higher and spread his legs wider for Bucky. A shiver ran down Bucky's spine and he leaned over Steve's body, mouthing at his back while he stroked himself lazily while lining up at Steve's hole. He slowly started to push in, and felt Steve go taut underneath him with anticipation until he bottomed out. Steve's eyes rolled back into his head and he felt himself being spread open in the best of ways while his eyes mouth opened in a breathy moan. Bucky grit his teeth and let a low growl out of his throat. 

"So tight, Stevie, my omega so good for me," he whispered.

Bucky straightened back up and placed his hands on Steve's waist and pulled back. His length slid easily out of Steve with no resistance, and the omega finally let out the breath he had stored up and sucked in another softly and then pushed out his breath with Bucky thrust back inside. Bucky kept this pace for a little while until he started to hear Steve's choking moans and his breaths hitching. He couldn't hold on much longer, so he let his control go. 

He thrust in and out of Steve at a rough pace until his omega started whining high in his throat with accentuated moans until it was just him screaming  _auh auh auh_ over and over again. He was clawing at the sheets and looking straight ahead when Bucky finally his his prostate. Steve sobbed and bowed his head and came all over the sheets.

"So needy, yeah that's it. Keep going for me, baby, I know you can. So good, my good little bitch." Bucky groaned.

Steve tightened around Bucky as more slick poured out of him with ease. He got off on Bucky's name calling, always had. He loved it especially during his heats when he was quivering and over sensitive and Bucky would just fill him up again and call him a slut for needing it so badly. 

"B-Bucky, alpha, need you to-to come inside!" Steve whimpered.

Bucky gripped Steve's hips harder, careful to mind his metal hand as he pistoned in and out. He felt his knot swelling at the base, and he heard the change in Steve's voice as it started to expand. He heard the moans turn rougher and more asthmatic sounding, but Bucky knew he was fine. He kept going and going, his cock sliding in and out of Steve less and less easier until he was just buried in at the hilt. 

He pulled Steve's body up to meet his until they were both kneeling, and he was just pressed flush with Steve's ass with his knot buried in snugly. He pulled Steve's hips back with one hand and his chest bracketed with his arm and Steve turned his head to the side to see Bucky. His eyes were fixed lazily with adoration and lust as Bucky's cock pressed against his prostate painfully so. Steve kissed Bucky's jaw, the stubble rough against his soft lips as he went, and made soft mewling sounds as Bucky attempted to move his hips back and forth still yet. 

Bucky nosed against Steve's neck with tender movements as his hand on Steve's waist released and went to find Steve's somehow miraculously still hard prick. He stoked Steve softly and felt his omega radiating absolute love and happiness as his cum spurt all over his hands and the sheets once more. A few lazy movements of his hips later, and Bucky was spilling balls deep inside of Steve. He made a low growl as he bit into the side of Steve's neck where the faded bond mark was. He felt himself and Steve connect, their bond reopening as Steve went lax in his arms. 

He let himself relax against Steve, feeling the trembles in Steve's thighs as he took all Bucky had to offer. Bucky kissed the side of his omega's neck, lips still tinted with some blood that quickly faded away with his spit. He maneuvered them to where they were laying side by side with Bucky still deep inside Steve and the both of them wrapped in each other's embrace.

They were out of commission for a full blown week, and not a single time did the other Avengers disturb them. They deserved to be left alone and re-bonded, for their love was ever lasting and a bond or no bond they always would. 

***

One day, Bucky walked into the bedroom in nothing but his boxers with his hands behind his back and walked over to the bed side Steve. Steve had just groggily woken up and was sitting up in bed, still naked and wrapped in sheets, when Bucky knelt beside him. Steve's eyes were still focusing and he kissed Bucky softly as he felt his alpha relax and smile into him. 

"Hey," Steve said quietly, pulling back and smiling with still closed eyes. 

"Good morning beautiful," Bucky said as he brushed away Steve's hair. 

Steve opened his eyes as he caught wind of Bucky's worried scent, his eyebrows knit together and he looked at Bucky with worry of his own,"What's wrong?"

Bucky licked his lipped and glanced down at the ground and then took Steve's hand in his flesh one and looked up into his eyes with the most serious expression Steve had ever seen in a long time,"Steve, you know how much I love you, don't you?" 

Steve looked at him quizzically, heart beat spiking some and he answered very slowly,"Of course. Bucky, what's this about?"

"Well...I, I love you so much. I love you more than you could possibly ever know. I think I've been in love with you my whole life, and I always will be. Even as the Soldier and before I remembered who I was, there was always a part of me that loved you. I love you so much Stevie, and I promise that I can and always will be there to take care of you. I will make you so so happy and I will never break that promise. And I...I-I want to show you just how much I love you," Bucky gushed.

He brought his metal hand from behind his back, and there among the new shiny metal was a small silver band that was worn with age and scuffed around the edges. It was an engagement ring, simple with no jewel but clean cut nonetheless. It was his engagement ring. The one he thought he lost so long ago was right there in Bucky's hand. He looked up at Bucky, tears in his eyes but they were good tears.

"I found it mixed in with one of Stark's toolboxes. He said he'd snatched it up in a blind haze of tinkering and thought it was one of his parts. If you'll have me Stevie, I would like to marry you for real this time, no trains, no misunderstandings, just us. Together, forever, for better or for worse. So what do you say, baby doll?" he continued, watching as Steve covered his face with his right hand and cried. 

Steve looked up a few seconds later, a big grin pasted on his face and happiness in his eyes,"Yes, yes. I will marry you, until death do us part." 

And they did, they did marry and they lived happily ever after. 


End file.
